Investing in Staples

Buying staples from Staples is an obvious joke - but, yesterday, my wife texted me to ask if I could buy some while I just happened to be passing a Staples.


I was greeted at the door with a joyful "Can I help you find something?"

And I froze.

Questions raced through my now self-conscious mind:

How many times had the greeter unhilariously heard someone ask for staples?

How many customers came in with a chortle, asking if they carried staples, all the while believing they were the first to ever make the joke?

Would I be perceived in this way? Could I stand to be perceived this way?

Maybe I should just find them on my own? It's a big store...

Finally, I said with forced confidence: "I'm actually here to unironically buy some staples..."

Unfazed, she replied: "Aisle 19."

I bought the larger pack so I'd never have to go through this again.


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